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Starkindler201
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Name: Nathan
Birthday: 9/9/1987
Gender: Male


Interests: I like to write poetry books and songs. I enjoy piano and most of all learning more about God.


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AIM: starkindler201


Member Since: 12/23/2003

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Monday, May 30, 2005

I wont be writing anymore on this Xanga.  People were reading and misinterperting my posts.  IM me if you want the name of my new blog.  God bless!  Your brother in Christ,  Nathan


Saturday, March 26, 2005

Currently Reading
Pendragon : Book Four of the Pendragon Cycle (Pendragon Cycle, No 4)
By Stephen R. Lawhead
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I can't sleep and just thought I should post on here.  Passes the time anyways...  I have been depressed lately for a few reasons.  One being the situation with my father, another my own failings and the last is the futility of my own life.  I try to help people yet I only hurt.  I have also been thinking about marriage (as alot of people my age do lol).  I truely don't believe I will get married.  For one thing I am not assertive, and another I don't want to cause anyone pain.  I hate myself when I hurt someone... and I never forget it.  I can't wait until my life on Earth is over.... I can't wait for release.  I hate myself for my failing and I dwell on them every day... and then I hate myself for hating myself lol.  I am not worthy to even be anyone's friend... let alone anyone's husband.  Maybe I should become a hermit lol.  I just don't know what to do... I want to serve God but I am blinded right now... and before I could see Him so clearly... again I hate myself.  How could I lose sight of Him once again?  How could I let myself get distracted?  It doesn't matter... all that matters is I failed and must set it right.  Heh... how can God use a failure like myself.


Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Well tonight was a living nightmare... my dad became abusive again.  I had to get him to stop hurting my mother... I know he is hurting inside... why won't he stop?  Why won't he let us love him?  It's like... I dunno... torture to see him hurt himself and us in the process.  Not only that but I am deathly afraid I will become like him!  I can already see his traits forming in me... I hate myself when I see them.  I can't get married... I can't cause anyone pain.. I won't... God help me... I'm a failure.  Please pray for me... and him.  If nothing changes my mother will have to leave him soon... please pray.


Monday, March 21, 2005

Currently Reading
Threshold
By Bill Myers
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Well I am bored right now so I thought I would fill out this survey.  *Shrug*.

my name is:   Nathan Poorbaugh
in the mornings I am:  Tired and disoriented... I have vivid dreams.
love is:  One of the greatest treasures... if you find it never let it go.
i dream about:   Wow... this is a conversation in itself lol.  I used to have nightmare every night... many in which I could feel pain.  I still have them once in a while but... yeah... my dreams are wierd.

WITH.THE.OPPOSITE.SEX
what do you notice first:   1st eyes 2nd smile 3rd hair, most important is faith however.
last person you slow danced with:  No one? lol.  I never dated anyone.

WHO
do you have a crush on:  No one.  I am interested in getting to know someone more though.
is the easiest to talk to:  Zack, Jess, Rita, the list goes on.

HAVE YOU EVER.
fallen for you best friend:  No

Who was...
the last person you talk to on the phone:  My mission's advisor from Global Expeditions.
hugged:  I hugged alot of people yesterday... lol...  I was a disciple in the Passion Play sooo... yeah lol.
last person you im'ed:  Jess
last person you laughed with:  I dunno... I laugh alot.

DO YOU//ARE YOU.
could you live without your compter:  Yeah but I wouldn't enjoy it.
what's your fave. food:  Mexican or Italian.  Depends on my mood.
what's your fave. fruit:   Grapes or Pineapples
which would you prefer, physical pain or emotional pain??:  Physical pain.  I have had too much emotional pain in my life to prefer it.
trust others way to easily:  Yes, but is that a weakness?

Number...
of times you've had your heart broken:  Once when I was young.
of hearts you have broken:  Don't know
of boys you have kissed:  o.O
of girls you have kissed:  None lol
of drugs you have taken illegally:  Lets see... heroine, cocaine, pot, lsd... what do you think?? gosh lol.  Seriously though... I have never taken drugs.
of tight friends you have:  Alot... but about 4 really close ones.
of cd's that you own:  I lost count after 50.
of scars on my body:  4 or 5 noticeable ones.
of things in my past i regret:  Too many to name.

OTHER THINGS...
i know:  I am forgiven and will dwell with Christ forever.
i wish:  That people would believe me when I told them about Him.
i hate:  School! lol
i miss:  Alot of my friends
i fear:  Failure.
i hear:  The fan lol
i search:  For God's purpose in my life.
i love:  Jesus and my great friends.
i ache:  To see God.
i write:  When I'm sad, upset or inspired.
i care:  My friends, the people I met on the street, the people I have hurt, the people who do now know Christ and about eternity.
i always:  Have songs running through my mind
i cry:  When I feel like there is nothing else I can do
i confuse:  Most people who read my xanga or poetry lol.
i can usually be found:  At home or church
i need:  Christ

have you ever played a game that required removal of your clothes:  Sure all the time.  No! lol
if so, when and with who:  o.O
favorite place to be kissed:  Never been kissed
wuss:  Try not to be
druggie:  No lol
gang member:  Yeah... can't all of you tell?
daydreamer:  All the time
alcoholic:  Don't touch the stuff
brat:  Sometimes lol
freak:  Some people think so.
sarcastic:  Can be in debates or arguments...
goody-goody:  Yeah lol
angel:  Ummm... demons are angels too so.... no lol.  I am not perfect or completely evil.
friendly:  I think I am
shy:  Normally can't even talk to girls... lol
talktative:   Online yes lol.
adventurous:  Yeah I guess.
intelligent:  Some people say so.
your cologne/perfume:  I don't use it o.O
something important on you night stand:  Bible
why is the sky blue:  To give us hope and beauty in this fallen world.

WOULD YOU RATHER...
pierce your tounge or nose:  Neither
be serious or funny:  Depends on the subject
drink whole milk or skim milk:  Whole

ARE YOU...
simple or complicated:  Complicated lol.

DO Y OU PREFER...
flowers or candy:  Ummm... I'm a guy...
grey or gray:   Grey
color or black and white photos:  Both
lust or love:  Why is this even a question??? Lol.  Love.
sunrise or sunset:  Sunset
M&Ms or skittles:  I don't really eat either... but I do like skittles.
rap or rock:  Rock
staying up late or waking up early:  Staying up late.
tv or radio:  TV
apples or oranges:   Oranges

WHAT DO YOU WANT...
to live:  Wherever God palces me
how many kids do you want:  3 or 4.
what kind of job do you want:  I want to go into the ministry... how?  Don't know yet.
Do you want to get married:  I want to yes... not sure if I will though.  If I meet the right person I will.

WHICH IS BETTER...
2 doors or 4 (on a car):   4
coffee or ice cream:   Ice Cream
shampoo or conditioner:  Shampoo
bridges or tunnels:  Bridges
one pillow or two:  I don't really care lol

Well you learned a few meaningless facts about me lol.  Lucky you!



Sunday, March 20, 2005

Man.... right now I am feeling.... I don't know what I'm feeling.  Angry?  Hurt?  I dunno.  The Passion Play went off great... had a ton of people there.  But I am VERY glad to get that burlap robe off... felt a little too much like a dress... I don't like wearing dresses lol...  Had a debate with one of the girls there and found out my friend from the previous posts had convinced her to join him in his religion (if that si what you can call it).  Not only that but she wouldn't even listen to me because of what he told her!  It makes me so angry sometimes... what is so hard about believing??  Can't they feel His peace when they are near to Him?  Can't they sense His love?  Can't they see the Bible for what it is?  The living breathing Word of God.  Gah.... I just can't stand it...  I want to help them!!  But they won't even listen to me... or anyone else.  Why do they condemn themselves to death?  Why do the blind lead the blind to destruction?  Why do they deny the teachings of God... and cling to the teachings of man.  I just don't understand it... I just can't stand it...



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